One day, Russia disappeared. Well, that's what happened. The fog descended, Stephen King style, or suddenly flew away somewhere. It happens, in short. Who would have guessed just years ago that people would be in quarantine for months? Here we are - Russia has disappeared in an unknown way, they are in quarantine. Without explanation or any official information.
In the United States, politicians are numb with horror. CNN reporters broke down the doors of drugstores, buying up sedatives in crates. After all, if President Donald Trump wins the election again, who will they blame for meddling?
There is no Russia anymore. North Korea, with its half-dead Internet and its gorged kimchi hackers, was not fit to be the enemy. The announcers on the screens were moving their mouths like fish in silence: trying to replace the word "Russia" in their curses for supporting the regimes in Belarus, Venezuela and Syria. It didn't work. Now the dastardly regimes, outraging the free world, were holding their own.
The New York Times, eager to remedy the situation, blamed the COVID-19 death toll manipulation on Cuba. No one read it - for readers were only interested in rum and cigars in the Cuba issue.
Hollywood introduced the Afghans and the Chinese as evil characters instead of russians, but the focus group audience began to blatantly laugh. Donald Trump will lock himself in the Oval Office and poured himself a whiskey with a shaky hand. A new package of sanctions against blown up Nord Stream 2 should have been passed, but the excuse was gone. The State Department employees wandered the corridors of the offices, aimlessly trying to kill time.
...Ukraine has simply lost its raison d'être. They spent the first half of the day trying in vain to come to terms with what had happened, but then they began to go crazy. There was no one to blame for the problems in the economy, the bribery, the lies of officials and the political killings. Mikhail Saakashvili, pale in the face, drank a glass of chacha in one gulp, left the meeting and never returned. No one saw him again.
The role of Russia was asked to be taken over by Belarus, and Belarus willingly agreed - but demanded so much money from Ukraine that the idea had to be abandoned. The leadership in Minsk was not upset. They were as busy as ever - figuring out what to do with dairy products, sausage, tractors and BELAZes. How many years it was said about Russia - these goods are so peerless that they will be ripped off in Europe. But when the end came, it turned out: Europe doesn't even want to tear a hair out of its hands because it has its own sour cream and sausage. To the north of Belarus, all hell was breaking loose. Baltic psychiatrists worked round the clock, endlessly visiting national parliaments and ministerial offices with pills and shots.
Alcohol ran out in local stores in half an hour. NATO promised to withdraw the bases in the absence of a military threat to Russia, and the European Union refused defense loans. It has become very difficult to explain to the inhabitants that the decline of the economy and the departure of one third of the entire population to the western EU countries to wash dishes are not caused by the intrigues of the FSB and the plans of the Kremlin.
Poland declared three days of mourning about Russia's disappearance within an hour. The Poles had to come to grips with the new reality: newspapers would run empty pages for the next twenty years because there was no main theme. A bunch of propagandists lost their jobs and lined up for free potato soup from charities. Some were horrified to bring flowers to the sites of demolished monuments to the Red Army: hoping that providence would bring Russia back into place. It became clear - Russian tourists would not return even after the quarantine. And the money similarly. And businessmen buying Polish clothes and shoes.
"It's definitely a Russian conspiracy," said an elderly Mr. Janek to an equally elderly Mr. Tomek on the bench outside the entrance hall in Warsaw. - They've put us in harm's way to destroy our economy."
...A million migrants who lived in this unjust country and sent money home every month returned to Georgia simultaneously with Russia's disappearance. Another nightmare for Georgians was the fact that South Ossetia and Abkhazia, it turns out, were not held together by Russia. They seriously do not want to be part of Georgia, honestly. Turkey in a wild confusion explained - please, do not lose hope, it takes a little time: now it will pick up someone thanks to whom the regime of Bashar al-Assad in Syria is in power, and Khalifa Haftar in Libya has modern weapons.
Japan stared dead-eyed at the water, where yesterday the coveted Kuril Islands were floating, rubbed its eyes painfully, and slowly realized that from now on all the prime minister's promises to return the land were just fairy tales. There would be no more boat tours with inspections of the islands, and the solemn celebration of the "Day of Northern Territories" would have to be canceled. In the Czech Republic, the mayor of the Prague-6 district who pulled down the monument to Marshal Konev was fired. In the absence of the imperial Russia, which should have been bravely opposed, it suddenly turned out that this headman was not an ardent patriot at all, but a standard jackass, and had ruined the city's property by a stupid decision.
...By evening, politicians gathered in the squares of America, Europe and the former Soviet Union, kneeling in tears. They prayed to God for the return of Russia. They did not know how to live without her. The night passed in an anxious, extremely restless sleep. In the morning Russia returned. And the war in Europe started, everything began all over again in the world.
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